Getting it off my chest.

I'm guilty.
I'm guilty of trying to be a servant leader, but I'm trying in all of the wrong places. I don't act as selfless as I should, and I put the blame on other people. I work for all of the wrong causes, and my priorities are whack. I'm so focused on getting into college, getting scholarships, and working towards my future that I forget what's important.
Being a servant leader is so much easier when you're surrounded by them. It's so much easier to stand up for what you believe in when the people around you support you. Stumbling upon that made me realize...I need to take myself out of what makes me feel the most comfortable and seek to help everyone around me. I need to start building a foundation for the future...and I'm not talking about grades and college and the SAT. I need to build character.
I'm struggling with what my heart knows is the right thing for me and for the world, but my head is telling me to work hard through my senior year and move on to bigger things. I get so discouraged. I don't think I have the strength to speak my mind like I did at Mt. Adams. Council F, you know how completely terrified I was on the challenge course...and I need to put myself back in that position. "Challenge by choice..." as a leader, I need to start choosing to challenge myself, and not just do what's easy.
I feel awful. I feel like I'm letting my Mt. Adams family down. I'm so sorry.
This, right now, is my commitment to you all. It's a commitment to following my heart, and starting a waterfall.
Thank you, everyone, even though I didn't get to meet some of you. You've all inspired me so much.
Agape to you ALL!

Malia -

Wow. It's really find the courage and integrity to be so honest with yourself. I know that a lot of people are feeling the same way -- it is truly hard to live intentionally everyday. Why? Because the normal routine is comfortable, like you said. Everyone likes to be comfortable, because there is no risk in what you already know. That is what is amazing about what you are saying here and about the idea of being a servant leader: every day is challenge by choice, a chance to take another inch, step, or leap out of your comfort zone, and experience life with a full heart. And I will repeat, its not easy! Thank you so much for this note, it is such a good reminder for myself to keep on trying and to wake up with a simple goal of making someone feel appreciated today.

Don't lose focus on your college applications and the basic work - thats the big stuff that you do because it moves things along. Its the little things that count! The smiles and intentional acts of love.

With all my love and encouragement,
Let's keep changing the world!

Houston

Hey Malia,

Like Houston said, it takes real courage to be able to be so honest about how you feel. Bringing Mt. Adams back home is hard, but remember that the smallest things you do may change the world. We are all human and to be a servant leader is not just to look out and care for others but also yourself. With college applications, hard classes, sports and other activities, senior year can be extremely overwhelming I know. At times it may feel like you aren’t doing anything for Mt. Adams but I can see that it is always on your mind. By at least thinking about what you can do to put Adams into action is honestly a further step than many of your fellow delegates have even taken this year and I commend you for that! Try to get together with some of the fellow Adams attendees at your school and explain the situation if you feel comfortable, others may be feeling the same thing! Or maybe you can think of ideas together to bring Adams home. Kindness increases in numbers and a little help may be just what you need. =)

Also know that any of the delegates from your council, dorm, or any that were just there are here to talk, also any of us JCs! Look me up on the contact list and I will be available to talk if you need to! I am sure your senior year will be amazing, you are doing awesome so far

Love,
Dom

Hi Malia,

I'm not sure if I ever had the pleasure of meeting you at camp, and I would like to apologize for that but moreso I would like to apologize for not keeping an eye on this site and message board. and i hope from the time that you sent this that things have changed. but I also know it's also possible that things have not changed.
regardless, what you said made me stop and think.

i understand your struggle. we all do. i promise you. there are moments in everyone's life where we feel like we do not do enough and feel terrible about ourselves because of the high standards we expect of ourselves from what is taught at camp. i can't even begin to tell you all the times i put myself first for a period and when i evaulate what i have done and what i should do, it can make me feel terrible about myself. it can make me feel like i am a terrible example of someone who believes so deeply in the virtues taught at camp. there is however a line. which is something that was taught at camp a while ago but is not an explicit part of the message anymore, but it's a motto that John Norlin said in his talk a few years ago and it's something that i attempt to live by.
you ready for it?

"take care of the customer,
take care of each other,
and take care of yourself."
(it's a nordstrom quote wonderfully enough, imagine the customers are anyone you are striding to serve)

i don't see you in school everyday, i don't walk by your side, or creepily watch you from afar. but without explicitly knowing you and observing you, i can promise you something- because you do care and are concerned with the fact you feel as though you don't spend enough time serving others, that shows so much to me that you do care so much and are very hard on yourself. i will bet that unknowingly perhaps you serve those around you on a daily basis. and i bet, with a heart the size of yours, that you take care of people and love them without having to think about it. maybe why you are taking stock in the fact that you are focusing a little more on yourself lately is because as a leader, we have a tendency to feel bad for putting oneself first at times. let me tell you another secret- i am PROUD of you for taking care of yourself and doing things you need to do. sometimes you HAVE to put yourself first. take stock in it, take your moment, and once you feel like you've taken care of what you need to for yourself, it will make you able to serve better and give more of yourself and your heart.

i'm not sure if this has come across how i intended it to, i am a simple girl who isn't very good at writing what i think at times. what it comes down to is that what you're saying is normal and ok. so don't be so hard on yourself ok? love on others, but also take time to love on yourself and take care of yourself.

love love love
lindsey